“I happen to believe the world will change only when we change ourselves. And that starts with finding ourselves. And that starts with listening to ourselves: learning to quiet the clamor in our minds and the voices of everyone around us and move toward what feels right- towards the things we know, for reasons we can’t explain, that we’re meant to do, the things that make us feel alive.”

—	Kelly Cutrone - If You Have To Cry Go Outside, And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You

there's a first time for everything, ik'?

This christmas season was a months of firsts. My first ever christmas away from home, first danish christmas, first real christmas tree, first celebration on the 24th and first WHITE christmas!

In denmark they celebrate christmas on the 24th evening. We spent the whole day visiting people eating coffee and cake. I came home for a short nap, and then started the christmas festivities!

We stayed at home and had most of the family there. Ate traditional dansk food. Such as meat (duck, pork) and potatoes and for dessert ris a'lamande (however you spell it)- basically a rice and almond pudding. We then sang dansk christmas songs and danced around the tree. After we sat down and exchanged presents.

I had such a lovely night, it was a very different, but beautiful christmas. I had a skype with my family (xmas morning there 25th) but after that I went on to play danish pictionary with my host siblings.

I had a brief moment of missing home but it passed, I'm surrounded with so many lovely people- I'm just loving every mo

ment.

thankful.

.. so tonight I went round to Per and Mariannes (my counsellor and his wife) and I had a hygge night with them. We ate dinner, I helped Marianne decorate the christmas tree and after we did the danish thing with tea and desserts. I also popped around to my 3rd family (who live next door) to give them their christmas pressies and wish them a merry christmas.

But anyway, I'll get on with my point. I had a lovely night tonight and it was tonight when it hit me how lucky I've been this year. Per asked me what the rotary club should do to make it better, or if there is anything they should change etc. and I realised that there wasn't anything I was unhappy with (maybe the danish language lessons- but that wasn't their fault). and I know it sounds totally un-cool to be saying this, because some people just think I'm being a suck up. But I'm honestly so thankful everything Rotary (Korosoer Nor Club) has done for me this year. I have a great counsellor- whom I have a good relationship with, I have had 4 great families, the club has been so generous towards me (money wise!), they've let me travel, they dont check up on my school BUT most of all they've let me experience. They've let me be a teenager, they've trusted me and they've let me live my year.

So, I'm thankful to my club- to the people that have organised my exchange, because without them I would not of had this year.

and its as simple as that.

not real?

it doesn't feel like I'm going 'home' in 3 weeks.... doesn't feel real at all. this is not what I expected. not at all.

so we have snow... and lots of it.

I let it go. It’s like swimming against the current. It exhausts you. After a while, whoever you are, you just have to let go, and the river brings you home.

-joanne harris

moment in the frozen food section in the supermarket.

So here we go again, another one of my moments. like the moment/realizations of what I'm actually doing this year. This realization wasn't so good, but much needed all the same. Lately- with the impending issue of going home, I've needed a bit of a kick in the butt to wake up and realize that this bubble I've been living in for the past 324 days or 46 weeks will be popped in about a month and I'll be back home to Australia- things have changed, that I wont be picking up where I left off and this life here cant continue on into my 'old' one.

So, just a few days ago I was in Lidl with Stace and Kat trying to find something for lunch. We were standing over the frozen food section (looking for something to use in the schools microwave) and I was looking at all the foods and I said to Stace- ' this reminds me of summer here, being hungover digging through your freezer for food'. and I know it sounds like a silly memory, but that just clicked everything I felt that summer, everything I felt in that moment. So just like that I got it. That was then. Just a few months ago, but long enough ago for it to feel like another life time. And a little part of me ached knowing that I cant go back to that. That, the part of my exchange that felt like forever is over.

I want to stay in these moments forever.... the moments where I have found my true friends, found happiness in strange moments, found understanding, found peace and sense of self.

And I know, I know, I'm an exchange student, I've kinda had to get used to change.. the whole process ( I mean every 3 months my life got up rooted and I'd start again).. but this change I'm not ready for... This change is unwelcome. I'm happy, in my zone, I'm not ready to ache again.

So I get it, its time to go home.. to say goodbye and to start a new phase of my life. I accept that now... but I just...I just miss those times and I will spend forever missing those times.

(so sorry if this all scrambled and doesn't make sense. my writing/english has gone out the window this year)