Sunday, December 12, 2010

moment in the frozen food section in the supermarket.

So here we go again, another one of my moments. like the moment/realizations of what I'm actually doing this year. This realization wasn't so good, but much needed all the same. Lately- with the impending issue of going home, I've needed a bit of a kick in the butt to wake up and realize that this bubble I've been living in for the past 324 days or 46 weeks will be popped in about a month and I'll be back home to Australia- things have changed, that I wont be picking up where I left off and this life here cant continue on into my 'old' one.

So, just a few days ago I was in Lidl with Stace and Kat trying to find something for lunch. We were standing over the frozen food section (looking for something to use in the schools microwave) and I was looking at all the foods and I said to Stace- ' this reminds me of summer here, being hungover digging through your freezer for food'. and I know it sounds like a silly memory, but that just clicked everything I felt that summer, everything I felt in that moment. So just like that I got it. That was then. Just a few months ago, but long enough ago for it to feel like another life time. And a little part of me ached knowing that I cant go back to that. That, the part of my exchange that felt like forever is over.
I want to stay in these moments forever.... the moments where I have found my true friends, found happiness in strange moments, found understanding, found peace and sense of self.
And I know, I know, I'm an exchange student, I've kinda had to get used to change.. the whole process ( I mean every 3 months my life got up rooted and I'd start again).. but this change I'm not ready for... This change is unwelcome. I'm happy, in my zone, I'm not ready to ache again.

So I get it, its time to go home.. to say goodbye and to start a new phase of my life. I accept that now... but I just...I just miss those times and I will spend forever missing those times.

(so sorry if this all scrambled and doesn't make sense. my writing/english has gone out the window this year)

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